A Personal Post

Published May 23rd, 2010

This post will be short on details. I’m not here to burden my 7 readers with my problems. I don’t treat this blog as a personal whine blog. And I would only usually delve into my personal problems here unless I have a real good point to make.Tonight, I don’t think I have one. I don’t know that what I’m going through is significant or interesting to anyone. I don’t know that it’s serious enough to merit concern beyond my immediate and very close friends and family. I’m not dying (at least, no faster than any other 30 year old). But I’m pretty miserable.

Not in all aspects of my life, but that’s part of what makes this so hard. My job - though not the most interesting or exciting job, not a job I’m necessarily growing a lot in - is treating me pretty well of late. I’m making significantly more money than last year. A raise in this economy? And job security? Nothing to scoff at, not all. I’m grateful for it. I’m dating a wonderful, intelligent, attractive and special woman. It’s going well. I’m very, very grateful for her and her support. I’m playing kickball on 2 pretty fun teams at the moment. I’m playing very well this year. I indulge in geekiness and table-top games on a semi-regular basis, even started to play some computer games once in a while again - mostly with enjoyment.

So what’s the problem? Health. Starting a few months ago. around the start of the year, a seemingly minor problem started to get very annoying. On top of that, I started suffering from pretty severe fatigue. I went to a doctor. Got a diagnosis. Got a treatment.

And I’ve never been healthy since.

Once the first diagnosis and treatment ended, I felt only marginally better. Another, older problem that was mostly under control began to spiral out of control. Things got worse. Got another diagnosis, another treatment. That helped the fatigue problems. The older problem got worse. The treatment for the fatigue - I started developing a pretty severe allergic reaction to it. I’m almost back at square one. I have an appointment this week to start dealing with the return of the old problem. But I have to call the doctor asap about the fatigue issue, because 2 days off the medication and I’m starting to feel it again.I’ve been fighting, hard, to stay upbeat for months. But there’s been nothing but setbacks along the way. The only successes have been rolled back. And it’s making life pretty tough. Can’t go where I want, when I want - and never without worry about becoming ill. Stress. Stress from projects at work and stress over my health is taking its toll. I’m doing the very, very best I can. But I’m really fraying around the edges right now.

I’m not in danger. Nothing is going to kill me here. It’s mostly just poor quality-of-life problems all piling up. I just want to be healthy, or at least, healthy enough to do things, normal things, like a normal person. I don’t feel like that’s too much to ask -but lately it has been. And that’s very frustrating.

So that’s my rant. It’s here for you to read and ignore as you see fit. This is not a post that is a cry for help. So don’t worry, I don’t expect anyone to do anything out of the ordinary. I just needed to vent a little. I’m not really a ‘venter’ by nature. I probably bottle up too much. But I’m just really out of sorts. Feel very alone sometimes. And a little scared, since it’s been months and I’m still not well - I don’t want to feel like this forever.

I’m a normal person with a pretty decent existence that is just a little overburdened and overstressed by some chronic, low-grade but really inconvenient health issues. And I’m tired of it. And I’m cranky about it. And I’m venting.I’m told it’s OK to be a little upset in my situation. I hope so.

Thanks for reading, if you did. Maybe I will post more and more interesting things in the future once I start feeling better. Someday. I have so many things I want to do - and soon - and just haven’t been able to lately. So hopefully, soon, I will be able to do more.

Category: Personal | Tags: